


Conversations

by danke_rose



Category: Excalibur (Comic)
Genre: Gen, Other characters in minor roles - Freeform, kurtty - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19837996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danke_rose/pseuds/danke_rose
Summary: Conversations between Kurt and Kitty about different events during Excalibur, including after she is rescued from the Warwolves, after Meggan and Lockheed set the house on fire when Kitty has a cold, and after Kurt tries to talk to Brian about his cheating with Courtney Ross after the Murder World incident with Arcade.I may add more if the mood strikes me.





	1. Reprimand

**Author's Note:**

> This short thing came to me at three in the morning. It takes place right after Excalibur 1 and 2, in which Kitty tries to draw out the Warwolves that are hunting Rachel by dressing up like her and creating a doppelganger module that will lead them to her. 
> 
> There is a tiny, tiny chance I might write a few more little things to go with this later.

Brian keeps talking. He's asking redundant questions, ones I already know the answers to, and all of them are “I don't know.” Why didn't I talk it over with someone? Why did I go off alone? Why didn't I wait for Kurt or Rachel to come back if I couldn't trust Brian? On what planet did I ever think this was a good idea?

I sit with my knees pulled up and wait for him to finish. Meggan stands beside him, her hand on his arm, as if willing him to be calm. Her face looks pitying. Rachel is glaring at me from the corner. She's still annoyed that I didn't talk to _her_ about my plan, that I made myself up to be her and took her outfit and snuck off to draw the Warwolves out of hiding.

Kurt's not here, but I imagine if he was, he'd look something more like Meggan. Sympathetic, but disappointed. He wouldn't fuss or yell, but he'd make me feel worst of all for that very reason. I'm glad he isn't here. I don't know where he is. He didn't tell me. I guess I'm the only one who needs permission to leave.

Brian finally stops. “Do you understand?” he asks, and I nod silently. He stares at me, and then in a huff, stalks out of the room. Meggan trails after him, shooting me a sympathetic smile as she goes. Rachel, too, turns and walks out, shaking her head.

I stay where I am. Tomorrow we're going to the zoo to see how they've handled the transfer of the Warwolves. I'm torn now, whether or not I want to go. I _do_ feel bad about what I did, but I'm not a child anymore. I haven't been a child since the Hellfire Club chased me through Chicago and tried to kill me. I think about Kurt again, because he could have died, and it would have been my fault. This is what finally brings me to tears. I stifle them because I'm not a child and I don't cry when I'm scolded. But the thought of losing him, so soon after losing everyone else, is hard to stomach. Lockheed sits on my shoulder and coos in my ear.

The back door slams, and I hastily wipe my eyes and pretend I'm just petting my dragon. Kurt comes through with a bag of something. I guess he was shopping. He reaches in and without a word tosses something to me. It's an apple, the yellow kind I like. He stops next to me and gives me a quizzical look.

“Everything okay, _K_ _ä_ _tzchen_?”

I shrug and take a bite of the apple. He goes into the kitchen and I can hear him moving around in there. I get up and go in, not sure why, but maybe I should learn to talk to someone after all.

“You want some help?” I ask, though I can see he's almost done.

“ _Danke_ , but no, I'm finished,” he says with a smile. He gives me another funny look and says, “Brian?”

How does he know? I nod.

“He was scared. He—” Kurt stops and looks over his shoulder, making sure Brian's not behind him. “He fears what he can't control. He fears we will share the same fate as his sister.”

“Doesn't make it any easier when he's yelling.”

Kurt takes out another apple for himself and sighs. “No. It doesn't.” He steps forward and pats my head like a puppy. I swat his hand away and he tugs me close for a hug instead. “Don't worry,” he says as he lets go, “It would take more than a Warwolf to tear me from your side.”

I look up at him and for some reason, I believe him.


	2. On Boyfriends and the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rachel dumps Brian's whiskey into the sea during a fire in the lighthouse, Brian takes out his anger on Meggan, then Kurt comforts her in the rain. This is set during and after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short.  
> Kitty has a cold.  
> When the team moved into the lighthouse, Brian accidentally crushed a box of Kitty's software, which she wrote with the now deceased (at this time in the comics) Doug Ramsey.

It was nice of Meggan and Lockheed to try making a hot toddy for me. Too bad they burned up a bunch of our boxes. I don't feel bad about Brian's whiskey, though. Serves him right for destroying my software. All that work...all those memories of Doug. I'm trying to recover what I can, but it's not going too well. I still can't believe Brian did that.

I stand in the hall with a tissue in my hand watching Meggan try to get Brian to care about her more than his whiskey, but all he does is get angrier. I don't understand their relationship. She runs out into the rain after Brian, and Kurt goes after her. I can hear them talking out there, his voice low and soft while she cries. 

In the kitchen, Lockheed gives me a sheepish look of apology, and I pat his head, because it was an accident. Rachel has gone back upstairs so I start cleaning up the mess. There are ashes all over the floor. My head still hurts, and I can't breathe through my nose, but it's better than sitting around. Hopefully the worst of the cold is over.

Kurt and Meggan stand in the rain a long time, and I'm almost done when they finally come back inside. She's smiling a little now, and thanks him for being a good friend. I notice the way he watches her as she walks away.

“Why doesn't she just leave him?” I ask, and he raises one dark brow at me. He's dripping all over the floor I just cleaned.

“Because she loves him,” he says. “She sees potential.” I hand him a kitchen towel so he can dry off a little and maybe the puddle under his feet won't get any bigger.

“Potential,” I repeat, shaking my head slowly. “She deserves better than _potential_.”

“I agree,” he says as he begins to peel off his wet uniform gloves.

“I don't think I could stay with someone like that.”

“Good," he says with a wide grin. "I don't know how I'd stand it. But the heart wants what it wants, and if you did...I would probably drop him into the sea.”

I have no doubt that he would, and decide to forgive him for the puddle of water he leaves behind when he teleports upstairs.


	3. Believe Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty feels like no one believes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during/after issue 3, when the power goes out in the lighthouse, and Kitty sees an alternate version of herself and Lockheed in the basement. Also set after Brian storms out when Rachel throws his whiskey into the sea.

I'm looking into the face of an alien. She's got Lockheed, a copy of him or another dragon that looks like him. Both of us shriek, the alien and me, and I fly up through the ceiling to find the others. Rachel's out, but in my head I hear her. She'll be back soon.

I find Meggan first. She's in the kitchen. It looks like she was cooking when the power went out, but now she's standing at the open door, looking at the sky. She looks lost and sad, and I feel for her. Where does Brian go when he gets like he did last night? We all worried when he didn't return this morning. I wonder if he ever will. But no time for that.

“Meggan!” I cry, and her face when she turns to me is so sad, I want to forget about my problems and comfort her instead. Maybe I should get Kurt first... “Have you seen Kurt?”

“What's wrong?” she says.

“Your basement—there was—”

Her face blanches before I finish, and I wonder if it's happened to her, too. She moves away from the window and we head downstairs together. Kurt sees us rushing down the stairs, and follows. The power is still out, but Lockheed makes a little light. I look around, expecting the other me to jump out again, but there's no one.

“There's no one here,” Kurt says, unhindered by the darkness that blinds me.

I bend down beside the generator to get it restarted. Kurt helps, but I feel like he's watching me, wondering if I've lost my mind. I'm supposed to talk to these people, this team, but why should I if they don't want to listen? The lights come on at last, and there's obviously no one in the room at all. Rachel flies in and demands to know what happened.

“I came down here when the power went out and there was someone else in this room. She looked like me, like an alien me. She had another Lockheed.”

Rachel and Meggan exchange a look between them that says they think I imagined it all. It makes me so mad. Why don't they believe me? I start to say something, but Kurt beats me to it.

“There's something strange going on in the lighthouse,” he says. “Meggan, you say this never happened before we moved in?”

She nods.

I try not to grind my teeth. “Why don't any of you _believe_ me?”

“I believe you,” Kurt says, so calmly he must be patronizing me. “We should check the rest of the lighthouse and make sure she's not still here.”

Rachel disagrees. “I can't sense anyone. There's no one here.”

“I'd still like to look.”

Rachel begrudgingly agrees, and she and Meggan start their search at the top floor. Kurt and I start in the other basement spaces. Most of it is storage, and one room is big and empty. Kurt flips the light switch and we stand at the top of the steps looking down at the empty room. There's nothing there to hide behind, no closets or doorways, except the one we're standing in.

“I should install a gym in here,” he says, mostly to himself.

“Yeah,” I mutter as I leave. He's right behind me, and we go upstairs to the next level and start searching. There's more to do here, furniture and wardrobes and places someone could hide.

“When Meggan brought me here the first time, I looked in that basement room, too,” he says casually.

My head's under a bed with a herd of dust bunnies, so I don't reply. I'll just start sneezing.

He doesn't seem to mind, or notice, and continues. “It looked like I'd opened a door to an intergalactic bounty hunters convention.”

“What? You never told me that.”

“ _Ja_ , aliens everywhere. They tried to kill me.”

He says this like he's talking about going to the library. Like it doesn't matter. He has no idea what those words do to me, every time. “Kurt...”

He's crouched beside a vent, and after replacing the grate, he straightens. His eyes meet mine, and for a split second, he lets go of some of that aloofness. “Don't worry,” he says as he pats my back and ushers me out to the next room. “I got away safely. And when Meggan returned with me to investigate, they were gone.”

I want to say something but I don't know what. The loss of the X-Men is so fresh, that even the possibility of losing someone else cuts deep. It feels really important, all of a sudden, to tell him, but I can't seem to find any words.

“There's something strange going on here,” he says.

We cross the hall to peer into the bathroom. “Do you think Brian will come back?” I ask.

I can feel Kurt tense up beside me. “I think he will. If only because he cannot abide the idea of Meggan leaving him.”

“But he's so mean to her.”

Kurt puts his hand on my shoulder and looks at me very intently, like he's still thinking, even as he starts talking. “I won't make excuses or try to explain his behavior. I will say only this. Please don't ever let someone treat you that way.”

I don't have time to respond, because Meggan and Rachel meet us, floating down the spiral staircase at the center of the lighthouse. They haven't found a thing, either, and we all return to the basement.

  
  


“Kitty, are you _sure_ it wasn't just your mind playing tricks on you in the dark?” Rachel says.

“It was _not_ my imagination! I know what I saw!”

“Another you.” Her voice is pure disdain and if not for Kurt speaking up when he does, I think I might have had a few choice words for her.

“Why don't you read my mind and—” I feel the anger boiling away.

“Just like last time, when it happened to me,” Kurt says, drawing Rachel's attention. “I thought I had imagined it, but it seems neither of us did.”

Kurt's eyes flick to mine as Brian appears in the doorway. Meggan, of course, runs to him. He suggests maybe we should relocate. Again.

“I like this place,” Rachel says, and I agree. Now that I know it's happened before, it's a mystery, and I want to solve it. Maybe it'll happen to Rachel next.

Kurt acts like a real leader then. “If everyone is willing, _Kameraden_ , I suggest we put these trials and tribulations behind us and give our new home, and new fellowship, the decent chance that both deserve.”

No one argues with that.

  
  


Later on, Kurt wanders into the doorway of the room Rachel and I share.

“Bored?” I ask, and he comes in and stands beside me at the desk.

“No. Just checking in on everyone. It's been a challenging few days.”

“I'm all right,” I say. “Who's checking on _you_?”

He chuckles softly. “You are, as always, _meine Freundin_.”

“Well? How are you?”

Something passes over his face, but he gives me a wry smile and I know he isn't going to tell me. I return to my work, disappointed but not surprised.

“A little worried, if I'm being honest.”

I try not to react, and turn around again slowly.

“Since we founded this team, we've had nothing but strife.” He shakes his head. “I don't know...”

I have to get this right, I think. It feels like a test, like if I do this well enough, maybe he'll keep confiding in me. “The X-Men weren't perfect when they started out, were they?”

Half of him reacts—one brow rises, one corner of his mouth tilts up, one hand drops to his side. “No. No...they weren't. I had not thought of that.” The rest of him catches up and he smiles at me, a whole smile. I find myself smiling back. It's hard not to with Kurt.

“Thanks for believing me,” I say.

“Always. You are not the type to make things up or overreact. If you thought you imagined it, you'd say so.”

“So you didn't believe me just because it happened to you, too?”

“You and I have been through some truly unbelievable things. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't believe you, would I?”

Friend. Not teammate. The lighthouse feels a lot less lonely, a lot less like a prison. I feel so much better. It doesn't even matter that Rachel didn't believe me. Kurt _does_. And if this team doesn't make it, I know it'll still be me and him, together. X-Men. Teammates. Friends.

He glances at the pile of electronics scattered around the top of my desk. “What are you working on?” he says.

And I tell him.

  
  



	4. Realities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt is frustrated that Brian won't treat Meggan with the respect she deserves. Kitty thinks she has nothing to offer Meggan in the way of support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after the Murder World issues of Excalibur.

Kurt takes Brian to a bar after we rescue Courtney Ross from Arcade's Murder World. Meggan, Rachel, and I go home to the lighthouse, where Meggan shuts herself in her room. Rachel stays to talk to her, but I don't. I'm sure Meggan won't want my thoughts. I'm just a scrawny teenage kid who's had one lousy boyfriend. What do I know about long-term relationships? I turn on the TV and flip through the channels with Lockheed and a bowl of popcorn. I don't need to be part of their little heart-to-heart, I tell myself. I've got my dragon, after all. Right?

Kurt gets home while they're still holed up in Meggan's room. He flops onto the couch in a huff and tosses his hat and sunglasses onto the chair.

He gives me an incredulous look and says, “He _still_ went off to meet her.”

“I guessed as much when he didn't come back with you.” I offer him popcorn, and he takes a handful.

“I want Meggan to be happy,” he says.

“Yeah, with _you_ ,” I mutter carelessly while Kurt's still saying, “But Brian won't listen.” I shut my mouth fast and stare at the television.

He's quiet so long, I start to hope he didn't hear me. I should know better.

“That isn't true.”

Now I'm stuck. What do I know about any of this? I just _had_ to open my mouth. “Yes it is, Kurt. I've seen you. You stare at her all day long, like some lost puppy.”

“I do _not_ —” he starts to say, then runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up. “ _Ach_ , I suppose I do.”

“You know you can't be with her.”

He _harrumphs_ at me and grabs for the popcorn. I hope he isn't too irritated. He says, “I know she doesn't love me. I can live with that. What's frustrating is seeing Brian taking her for granted and cheating on her.”

“You think he is, too?”

Kurt nods slowly. “I think it's likely.” He scratches his head. “I don't understand how he can be so blind. She's so in love with him. How can he not appreciate it? If she...” his voice trails off and he shoves more popcorn in his mouth.

It's obvious he cares about her, a _lot_. I feel a pang of sympathy for him. I know how it feels, to like someone who doesn't like you back. I fold my legs under as I turn on the couch. He starts to get up.

“If she was your girlfriend, I know you'd treat her right, and she wouldn't cry like she does with him.”

He smiles and seems to genuinely appreciate what I've said. “ _Danke_. I would certainly hope as much.”

He picks his hat and glasses off the chair and carries his coat downstairs, past the room where Meggan is crying on Rachel's shoulder. I go down and join them. Maybe I can be part of this conversation after all.


	5. Leap of Faith or Something Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Inferno, the team regroups and Kurt tells them about his leap of faith. Kitty's not thrilled about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Slarti, I have a headcanon that Kitty and Kurt made a bit of a promise to each other way back when he was still recovering from his coma on Muir, to be a team and look out for each other. That's what she refers to here.

The hotel is swanky, with whole bedrooms off a living room. I've never seen anything like it. None of us have. We're all exhausted and a little overwhelmed, and when we stepped into that suite of rooms, all I could do was stare. Rachel goes immediately to the balcony to see the view. I wonder if she's looking for her brother. Kurt's inspecting everything like a kid. Brian's calling room service to bring us up some meals. None of us have eaten in ages. I'm grateful Brian's family is wealthy, that he can afford to do this for us. Without Brian, we'd be in a Holiday Inn or a Motel Six. On my own, I'd be on the street. I'm not old enough to rent a room in the States yet.

We divvy up the rooms—there are four—and take showers while we wait for the food to arrive. When it does, we eat in silence, we're all so hungry. Finally, we relax. We've just been through almost literal hell, and sometimes, that kind of thing takes a while to work out of your system. Meggan won't talk. Brian is, for once, being attentive and kind to her, and it makes me wonder if this is how he was when she first met him. I wonder why he changed. Rachel, too, is quiet, brooding in her own way and worrying about her brother, I guess. Kurt's trying his damnedest to be cheerful. I'm thinking about the Soul Sword and Illyana. If it manifested with me, is she dead?

The news is nothing but Inferno coverage. None of us want to watch it, but we do. We watch clip after clip of home videos and professional news footage of things that happened in the city. There are several shots of the Empire State Building, reaching into the sky past where people on the ground can see.

The news anchor focuses on the building, and shows an image of the tower in its current state, a normal skyscraper, still tall, but no longer attempting to clear the atmosphere.

“That would have been much easier to jump off,” Kurt says, and everyone looks at him except Meggan.

“What?” I say when he doesn't elaborate.

He looks at me, lifting his head slightly from his hand. “It's shorter. Easier to jump off,” he says, as if it makes perfect sense.

“What are you talking about?” Brian says.

“He jumped off,” Meggan explains in a voice full of shame. “I...sent goblins after him and he jumped.”

Now everyone is staring back and forth from Meggan to Kurt. Brian shakes his head. “Superheroes do some foolish things, but that...might take the cake. Did you forget you can't fly?”

“Actually, I was hoping you'd show up and save me.”

I realize my hands are trembling and I stuff them in my lap. “How did...how did you not _die_?” I manage to ask.

Kurt and I, we made a promise to stick together. When the X-Men died and left us behind, we were all that was left. Superheroes face death all the time, come close too often, but it never gets easier.

“Landed on flying goblins all the way down, til the flagpole failed me with two stories to go.”

He acts like he does this every day, and we all look like idiots gaping. I can hardly look at him, I'm scared and angry at him, even though it's over now.

“That's got to be the craziest stunt you ever pulled,” Brian says at last.

Kurt considers this. “Possibly. I've done quite a few things that could fall under that heading. Haven't we all?”

“I escaped being a Hound, and ran from Mojo, too,” Rachel says.

We nod. That's a big deal.

“I died and was resurrected,” Brian says. That's an even bigger deal.

Meggan wipes her eyes and says, “I gave my soul to a demon.” She looks at me. “I think Kitty got it back for me, though.”

I smile hesitantly. I have no idea, actually.

“What about you, _K_ _ä_ _tzchen_?”

“Nothing like those things,” I say. I don't really want to talk about it.

From her seat across from me, Rachel says, “It's not a competition.”

“Killed a N'Garai demon by myself when I was thirteen.”

“See, you did something amazing, too,” says Rachel with a smile, then adds, “I'm going to bed.”

“I think we'll turn in as well,” says Brian as he takes Meggan's hand and leads her to their room.

It's just me and Kurt now. He's not watching the TV, just looking in that direction. So I say, “You could have died.”

He agrees, cocking his head at me. “Yes. But if I had stayed up there, I almost certainly would have. There was very little choice involved. I'm sorry my story frightened you.”

“It's okay.” I throw myself down the couch at him, knowing he'll catch me, and hug him. Tight. “Just be more careful in the future, okay?”

“I'll try to avoid diving off demonic skyscrapers in the future, _K_ _ä_ _tzchen_ ,” he says and hugs me back.


	6. True and False

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after the first jaunt in the Cross Time Caper, when the team lands in a magical version of England. Kitty and Kurt discuss the implications of her engagement to a prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a suggestion from MHammerman, which I gladly accepted! Kitty surely must have felt something after all of this happened. She is only 14 and she's already almost been married off twice. First to Caliban of the Morlocks, and then to Prince Billy of an alternate Earth. (Kitty made a promise to Caliban to stay with him in exchange for helping her friends, and Callisto intends to hold her to it. When confronted with the fact of that promise, Kitty chose to honor it and go through with the wedding. When the X-Men arrived to rescue her, she stopped them. Caliban was the one who freed Kitty from her promise and let her go.  
> In Excalibur, the young prince, Billy, mistakenly falls for Kitty instead of that world's analogue of her, Princess Kate (the coincidence is incredible, if you ask me--Billy is Prince William, whose parents are very obviously doppelgangers of Charles and Diana). When Billy proposes, the Queen Mother informs Kitty that the proposal cannot be refused, then casts a (painful) spell on her to mature her, both physically and emotionally.

Thankfully, the Queen Mother agrees to let Billy marry Kate instead of me, after Kurt and Meggan discovered the young princess using magic to attack us. There are a few nerve-wracking moments when I think the Queen is going to refuse. Then relief, as she gives them her permission and releases me from my obligation. As things settle down, I try to keep my emotions in check. We hadn't even had time to understand how we got to this world or how to get home before the Queen Mother swept me up and cast her spell on me. The whole marriage situation is still disconcerting because I remember everything that happened while I was under the spell. It was like I was an _actual different person_ for a while. I remember _wanting_ to marry Billy, not because I loved him, but because it was my duty as a princess. And under that spell, in those moments, I believed I was a princess.

It reminds me of the time I almost married Caliban of the Morlocks, except that was a duty I chose, not one magically implanted in my mind. I knew what I was doing, upholding my end of a promise made in haste. Here, in this alternate England, I tried to fight the spell, but it was too strong. Once I succumbed to it, for a while there was nothing left of me. It's disturbing, remembering that feeling of false happiness, false serenity. I shiver as we head out of the huge hall and into the smaller corridors that lead to the sleeping areas.

I'll never forget how the team reacted when I appeared on the stairs, aged up physically by the spell and dressed the part of royal bride-to-be in a long sweeping gown. Meggan's face was almost iridescent with joy, a hopeful romantic looking for a happily ever after. Brian, beside her, looked bewildered, and Rachel stared in open-mouthed shock. Kurt's scowling expression would normally have drawn me up short, but as that princess-me, all I did was tell them to stop fighting. I asked Rachel to read my mind, to prove I was happy. She could barely look at me after that. Kurt, his face settling back into a careful neutral, asked me if I really wanted to marry the prince. Then he told me I looked all “grown-up and proper.” Befitting the princess I am, I replied. Before I walked away from them, I told them I was happy for the first time in my life. I shudder at the memory, and stifle the desire to punch the old hag in the face, queen or not.

Because none of what I said to them was true. It was like watching myself in a movie, wanting to scream at the heroine on the screen, tell her to do something smarter, fight harder, give them some clue that she wasn't herself. But I couldn't.

I wonder what they would have done if I'd gone through with it and married Billy. What would have happened if Kate had not been found, or if the Queen Mother had insisted I marry her grandson. Would I have done it? I'm pretty sure the spell was strong enough that it would have made me. What would the rest of Excalibur have done? Would they have left me here in this alternate reality to be wife to a boy I barely knew? I couldn't blame them. They had only known what I told them, and Rachel had confirmed it.

There is still a bit of night left for sleeping, although I don't know how restful it will be. My mind races, replaying everything like a song that keeps skipping. I hear Kurt's question, “You truly wish to marry the young prince?” and my reply, “With your blessing, darling Fuzzy Elf.” I see Rachel's face, dejected as she turns away, and Kurt's, twisted in anger at something he can't understand.

I have kept my thoughts to myself as much as possible all evening. I don't want them to know how rattled it has left me. I'm an X-Man. I'm part of Excalibur. I'm supposed to be brave. Still, Lockheed is a comfort, curled in my arms, his tail wagging against my waist as I continue down the long, empty hallways with my team. Kurt falls into step beside me.

“Disappointed that you won't be a princess after all?” he says, but I hear the teasing note in his voice, and I know it's just his way of making sure I'm all right while hiding his own feelings. I wonder what they are.

“Not even a little,” I say.

“Just as well. Even as a princess you didn't make much of a damsel in distress.”

I snort, very un-princess-like, and Lockheed stirs in my arms. Kurt reaches over and gives his head a quick scratch.

“He missed you.”

“I'm glad someone did.”

Kurt lets his hand drop back to his side. “Alistaire did, too. He said he couldn't study Widget without you.”

“Oh,” I say, and chew my lip, thinking about why I'm not more excited about Alistaire missing me. I decide I must be tired.

“Your chamber, m'lady,” Kurt says, and gives me a sweeping bow, so graceful and chivalrous. He'll fit in at court, if we have to stay.

I curtsy back, awkward with a sleeping dragon in my arms. “Thanks.” I take Lockheed to the bed and pull a little blanket over him, tucking it around his feet. When I turn around, Kurt is still in the doorway. “Aren't you going to bed?”

“Yes,” he says, but doesn't move.

I walk back over, yawning, and lean casually against the door frame. “What's on your mind?” I'm so impressed with myself, at how I'm handling this. They all believe I'm fine. I feel like a real grown-up, not a magically-induced one, holding my own with a team of chronological adults.

“Were you truly happy?” he says at last.

So much for hiding my feelings. He didn't ask how I'm doing or if I'm fine, questions I could have answered easily. Instead, he's struck at one of my biggest fears of this ordeal, that maybe I really _was_ happy under that spell, in spite of my conviction that I was not. I fold my arms while I think about my answer. I bet there are girls my age out there who find the thought of marrying a prince appealing and romantic. Me? I want to make my own decisions, not have them decided for me.

“I wasn't _me_. I mean, I was me, but _not_ me. Not-me was happy.” He seems to understand my nonsensical response, nodding along to my words.

“So Princess Kitty was getting her happy ending, but what about Kätzchen?”

“I don't know what my happy ending is yet, Kurt, I'm only fourteen.”

“I know it, I didn't mean...” He takes a step toward me, his brow wrinkling slightly, and puts his hand on my shoulder. Its weight is familiar and warm. “It was odd for me, for all of us, but I can only imagine how it must have felt for you.”

I think about that older body, with its older thoughts. At the time, the spell made it all feel natural and right, but looking back now, with that perfect vision of hindsight, it's creepy. I shiver and his hand rubs over my shoulder.

“It was weird,” I say, because I'm not sure I can explain. “I felt so...different, but none of it was real.”

He keeps rubbing my shoulder, and I have the feeling it's more for his comfort than mine, which is a strange thought to have. His face is sober and thoughtful when I finally pick up my head.

“I tried to stop her,” he says when I look at him. “We tried to get to you.”

“I know, Kurt. It wasn't your fault.” Standing there with Kurt's arm around my shoulders is the best I've felt since we landed in this dimension. I hope he'll stay a little longer.

“You've handled this so well.”

“I didn't want to let any of you down.”

“Let us down? Kätzchen, do you know what I was doing when I was fourteen?”

“Ugh, this isn't going to be one of those 'we had to walk five miles in the snow uphill both ways' stories, is it?”

He chuckles, and I can't help my return smile. “No, I was going to say that when I was fourteen, I was performing on the trapeze, fishing in creeks, and teasing girls. You are helping to save people, sometimes the entire world. You aren't letting anyone down, _liebling_.”

I feel the blush rise in my cheeks, and I turn to hug him, to hide my embarrassment. He folds his arms around me and his chin presses into the top of my head for a moment. “Thanks.”

“It is always my pleasure to share such truths with you. And now, another truth—that should you need anything, I am always here for you.” He taps my chin with one finger so I'll look at him.

“Rachel will be so jealous,” I say, as a joke, but Kurt's response is serious.

“She did take your transformation quite hard.”

“I know,” I say. “I remember.”

For a while, we stand in silence, both thinking. I step closer, my hands clasped around him and my cheek resting on his chest. In a few minutes, he'll leave, but for now, I want to hold on to the reassurance he offers in the stroke of his fingers across my shoulders and the soft sound of his breathing.

“I didn't know what to do, Kätzchen. For Rachel or for you.”

Uncertainty blooms in my mind, rushing back from the recesses where I'd shoved it. What does he mean, he didn't know what to do? He kissed my cheek and gave me his blessing. He could have done a hundred different things, but he didn't. He never even argued with me.

“You seemed pretty willing to let me marry Billy.” I try to keep my voice flat, so he won't know how it hurts that he would have let me go so easily.

“I was afraid to voice any protest, lest the Queen do something drastic, or permanent. I needed time to think.”

His answer shuts down my anger so fast, I sag in his arms a little. “Think about what?” I ask, because I want to hear him say it. I _need_ to hear him say it.

Kurt shifts on his feet, and as I stand there, surrounded by his arms, I have the same feeling I used to get after a bad day at school, when I'd walk through the front door of my house. Safe and cared for and... _myself_ , without pretense.

“I hoped there would be some time before any ceremony. I had questions, and I wanted to confirm Rachel's findings. I simply couldn't believe that was what you really wanted. But arguing with you wasn't going to help. Then the creatures attacked, and dealing with them had to take precedence. And in the end, it resolved itself.”

I squeeze his waist a little tighter.

“Did you honestly think I would have left you here alone, to marry a stranger?”

I shake my head, and my cheeks ache from grinning so hard. “No. Okay, maybe I was a _little_ worried.”

He chuckles softly as I let go, another yawn straining my jaw.

“You should get some sleep now, Kätzchen. I think the excitement is over for now.” He starts to go, then turns back one more time. “We should go out and do something just for fun sometime.”

“Yeah, we should. I'd really like that,” I say. “Good night, Kurt.” He gives another courtly bow and heads down the hallway. I watch him for a second, that graceful stride, tail swishing back and forth, and then I shut the door and crawl into bed. I have no trouble falling asleep, and I have no bad dreams.


	7. Electronics Will Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the same as the last chapter, but I realized after I posted it that all the chapters so far have been first person, and this one wasn't. So instead of replacing it, I rewrote it and I'm posting it here. There's nothing different, except it's now told from Kitty's point of view instead of the narrator's.

“You won't come join the party?” Kurt asks from the train doorway.

I glance up from studying Widget, still tapping my chin with the pen.

“Nah. Too busy.” I wave the pen at our little mechanical friend, the source of our jaunts through the sidereal stream and our ticket home. _If_ I can figure out how he works.

“Widget will wait.”

“No thanks. It's too crowded out there.” I cast my eye over his skimpy Barsoom outfit. “And too little clothing.”

He grins rakishly at me and poses like a model. “You don't think I'm devilishly handsome in this?”

I try not to laugh or pay him any mind while I poke around in Widget's open mouth. “You're handsome in everything, Fuzzy. I—” Aw _shit_. I didn't mean to say that. I lean closer to Widget to cover my mistake. “It's just not my style.”

He has the good grace not to comment. Maybe he doesn't even notice. “ _Danke_ , but it isn't the same without you. Already Rachel has gone. Meggan says she's trying to find herself.” He shakes his head and stops smiling. “She and Brian are out by the fire, and Alistaire is—”

At that moment, Alistaire and Kymri stumble through the train door behind Kurt, shoving him forward. He catches himself on the back of my chair as Alistaire mumbles apologies around Kymri's mouth. The two disappear into the back of the train. It's so obvious what they're up to, and I can feel my face growing warm.

“Well.”

“Sorry, Kurt. I'm not interested in the party.” I really just want to stay here, alone, and mess with Widget. I know if I can figure him out, I can get us home. I want to go home.

He pulls another chair over and sits backwards in it, folding his arms over the back to watch me work. “All right.” I guess he's going to stay a while.

He makes me self-conscious watching me think, though. I give up, shifting in my chair to lean against the desk when I turn around. I toss the pen down and fold my arms. He has his chin on his arms giving me the biggest puppy-dog eyes I've ever seen. Good grief.

“You aren't gonna leave until I go out there with you, are you?”

He grins as he stands, messing up my hair with his fuzzy hand when he tousles it. I bat him away.

“ _Nein_ , I'll leave you in peace.” I'm a little surprised he gives up so easily. He can be stubborn for a man who wants to be a dashing gentleman charmer.

Noises from the other car interrupt him. I look at Kurt with wide eyes and stand up too quickly, knocking the chair against the table. Kurt catches it deftly and rights it.

“So is there food at this party?” I ask, moving to the door.

Outside, Kurt offers me his arm and escorts me into the crowd of people. The party is still in full swing, with no signs of slowing down anytime soon. For all my complaints about the clothing, I feel a little out of place in my uniform now, as I watch everyone else sashaying past in flowing fabrics and glittering golden connecting pieces.

I sigh. “I can't win, can I?” No, I can't. Not ever.

“How so? You are on the arm of the most handsome devil here, are you not?” I roll my eyes but tolerate his good humor. He's really happy tonight, and he _does_ look good. My cheeks feel hot, and I look off into the crowd again. I don't answer him.

He drops his arm and takes my hand, turning me to face him. “Do you want me to kick Alistaire and Kymri out for you?”

I'm surprised at the offer, and kind of touched that he cares so much. “No, of course not. I tried to tell you, this just isn't my kind of scene.” I fold my arms and stare at his chestplate while he surveys the crowd.

Somewhere in the distance, someone is playing music. Kurt's face lights up and he hauls me along through the crowd. I try to keep up, not bothering to ask where he's taking me. I trust him. As we get closer, I can hear the music, and people around us are swaying and spinning to the tune.

“Dance with me, Kätzchen.” I lay my hand in his, a little reluctantly, still not sure I want to be here. Widget is waiting. But Kurt is waiting, too, and so I take hold of his hand and look up.

He spins me, and I smile in spite of my doubts. I can spare a few minutes to dance. Before I know it, we've been dancing—and eating—for hours. When I'm finally too tired to continue, I'm sweaty and flushed, but honestly happy. I really did have a good time, and I'm glad he made me join in, at least for a little while.

We sit outside the dancing space to catch our breath and watch the people with seemingly limitless energy continue dancing and celebrating. Kurt leans on his knees, and I can see the beads of sweat along his hairline, just above the collar of his outfit.

“This was fun. Thanks, Kurt.”

He pats my back affectionately. “My pleasure. Shall I escort you home?”

I accept his proffered arm with all the grace I can muster. “Sure.”

Kurt pushes his way back through the crowd, his hand on mine as we are jostled. I have no real concept of the time, only that the sky is dark and the party is still noisy. At the train, Kurt bows me through the door, then raps at the back compartment. There's no answer, and no sound. He peeks inside, and returns, satisfied that the couple is finished here.

“I think you can sleep soundly now,” he declares. “Good night, Kätzchen.” He kisses my cheek and waves as he leaves to rejoin the party.

I watch the door shut behind him, then turn slowly to glance at Widget. He is chewing on some of the spare parts I leave around for him to eat, and I pull out the chair and pat the little round metal head. Funny that I haven't missed my electronics at all.


	8. Mistakes and Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty doesn't think Kurt does a good job of welcoming her home after her time at St. Searle's. Rachel helps her understand why he's acting weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure this is OOC for at least one of them, but I'm okay with it. The bit about Berlin refers to a recent addition to the Cross Time Caper from a Marvel Presents comic. If you're a Kurtty fan and you haven't read it, you should look it up. Nightcrawler Takes Berlin.

In the middle of a football field, in a blond wig, I cheer. I _hate_ cheerleading. I'm not a rah-rah kind of girl, and I feel completely stupid, but the school needs money or all these girls are going to have nothing. I have to try. It's what the X-Men do. It's what Excalibur does.

I try not to think about Excalibur too much because it hurts. I tell myself they're gone, I'm on my own, I have to make it work at this school so I can go to college and do something else with my life. I'm not a superhero right now. I have to focus on the cheering. Now that they've come into my mind, it's hard to stop thinking about them. God, Kurt would laugh if he saw me now. He knows how I feel about cheerleaders.

I miss him. I miss Rachel and Meggan and Brian too, and Lockheed. I miss that stupid lighthouse and I miss the train we shared when we were hopping dimensions with Widget. I can feel a lump forming in my throat and I glance down the line at one of the other students, Huntsman, and how she's forcing a huge smile to save this school. If she can, so can I. I smile really big and wide and kick my legs up in our routine.

Then something happens. In the distance there's the sound of explosions, and I see them, and the Phoenix effect glowing in the sky. It's them. It's my team. Oh my god _it's them_! And something's going on, there's trouble. I have to help them. I break formation, which makes Huntsman really angry, but I ignore her and drop into the ground to swim through the dirt, emerging in the men's locker room. _Yikes_. I bolt outta there and look for my friends. They're acting funny, under some kind of mind control, but they break out of that when Lockheed fries the bad guy's backside. The girls from the school show up to help, and beat the crap out of the villains.

The headmistress discovers our plan, but I don't care. I'm going _home_. All the girls are fawning over Kurt, and he stands there grinning and talking to them. I don't get it. Doesn't he care about me at all? I don't want the others to know my feelings are so hurt, so I just tell them I'm coming back with them and try not to get upset. Maybe Kurt and I weren't such good friends after all. Maybe what he said on Barsoom was just Kurt talking the way he does. He's nice to everyone. Maybe it's just fake.

I finally tell the headmistress of the school I'm leaving, and we stop by the school to pick up my things on the way home. The girls ride along on the same train, some of them still talking to Kurt. Really, it's like he cares more about _them_ than _me_. Didn't he miss me at all? On the train ride, Meggan and Rachel and Brian tell me everything, how they wound up under mind control, how they got home from the teleporting disaster of an adventure, Saturnyne's role.

I gather up my stuff as fast as I can, because I know they're waiting for me. I can't believe they're back. Finally, the girls head off to their dorms and I wave good bye. Rachel's using her Phoenix power to carry my stuff while Meggan carries me home, flying. Brian's got Kurt. He still hasn't said more than three words to me.

At the lighthouse, I get choked up, and I say it's just because I'm so happy to be home, that I missed them all. Rachel puts my boxes in our room and hugs me again. “It's good to have my roommate back, kiddo,” she says. I sit on the floor and start unpacking, my back to the door. Everyone's gone upstairs now. There's a call for Brian and Rachel wants to hear about the new mission.

I hear footsteps, soft sussing noises over the floor, and I know it's Kurt. I don't turn around. Let him talk first.

“ _K_ _ä_ _tzchen_?” he says. I almost start to cry, I've missed his nickname for me so much. But I remember what he did and I'm angry, and I don't cry.

“Hey,” is all I say, and I pull out another shirt and refold it.

He comes further into the room and crouches beside me. I only move my eyes when I look at him. And only for a second. He cocks his head a little and squints at me.

“Are you all right?” he asks.

I start to say I'm fine, but it's always been hard to lie to him. “Nope.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

He sits there, balanced on his toes, with his elbows on his knees, and he barely even rocks back and forth for balance. It's pretty amazing, really, but right now, I just want to stick my finger in his ribs and knock him over.

“Should I leave?”

I shrug. “I dunno, Kurt, _should_ you?” and I know he hears the anger in my voice.

He stands up with a pile of my shirts and puts them on the bed. I'm not impressed with his help. The box is empty and I roll up to my feet to get another one. There aren't many. I'll be done in a few minutes and have nothing to distract myself with if he sticks around.

“I know you are upset with me,” he says, and I don't respond. “I'm sorry. It's my fault you got separated from us. And I'm so sorry.”

“What?” I say, because this is not what I'm mad about at all. How is it even his fault? It isn't. But this is typical of him. He tends to blame himself when things go wrong, even if it isn't his fault at all. I won't feel sympathy for him, I _won't_.

“You're right to be angry at me,” he says, still not understanding. “I let you go in the Widget car, and when things got crazy with Jamie...I should have been there. I should have gone with you.” He sounds really distressed now, and I give him the most exasperated look I can manage.

“Kurt, will you stop this? I'm not mad about that. It wasn't your fault. So stop it.”

He does. He stares at me, though, obviously confused.

I throw up my hands. “You and _girls_. It's all you care about.”

He steps back, completely shocked. “That isn't true.”

I pick up the second box and dump the contents on the bed. “Then explain yourself. Give me one good reason why you didn't even bat an eye when I turned up at that stupid cheerleading competition. Anyone would think it was my classmates you cared about, not me.”

I see comprehension dawning on his face. He drops onto the end of my bed and doesn't say anything.

“You lied to me. You said—you promised _we_ were a team. You said you prayed we'd always be there for each other. We spent that whole night in fake Berlin dancing. I thought we were friends.”

He looks contrite, and sad. “I thought we were, too.”

“What the hell does _that_ mean? Are you trying to turn this on _me_?”

I'm waving my hands around and yelling when Rachel comes to the door. She looks from me to Kurt and turns around. “I'll just come back later,” she says.

“I'll go,” Kurt says and gets up.

“Fine. Do that. Don't answer for what you did. Don't explain _anything_. Just pout and leave.”

He stops, and I wait, hands on my hips. One blue hand slides through his hair. I notice then that he's taken off his gloves and I wonder absently where he left them.

Without turning around, he says, “This is not how I imagined this would go.”

“I bet it isn't.”

“I don't know what to say. I didn't mean to slight you.”

“You know what? This is bullshit,” I say, and I pass through him to go upstairs.

  
  


Rachel gives me a concerned look when my head rises above the floor. Even Brian and Meggan look worried. They all turn away from me. “So what was the phone call about?” I say, pretending not to notice the way they're looking at me.

“Missing child. We might be needed in London. We're on stand-by.” Brian doesn't even look at me.

“Oh, well, shouldn't we be getting ready?”

“No, they'll call us.”

In the kitchen I make a cup of tea, then take it out to sit with Rachel and Lockheed. “Should I leave again?” I say.

Meggan comes over and hugs me. “No, of course not.”

“We're all glad you're back,” Brian says.

“It wasn't the same without you,” Rachel adds, but she's not looking at me.

I look around at them, and feel tears pricking my eyes. “What's wrong with all of you? Are you really Excalibur or am I in some other dimension again? First Kurt, now all of you.” I rub furiously at my eyes but they won't stop, so I take Lockheed out to the balcony.

I cry out there for a few minutes. I don't understand. Aren't they happy to see me? Maybe I will go back to St. Searle's, if they'll have me. Maybe they won't want me either.

Someone leans on the railing, and it's Rachel. “Hey kiddo. I'm sorry about just now. No one's mad at you. We're just a little concerned. We all thought you'd be happy to be home, and you just seem angry.”

“I'm not angry.”

“Sure looked that way.”

“Well, I'm angry at Kurt, but he deserves it. I'm not angry at the rest of you.”

“Why does he deserve it?”

I give her a look. “Please. You saw him with all those girls. He was more interested in them than me.”

“Jealous?”

“No! I just thought he'd be happy to see me, too, but he didn't even care. It was like I didn't matter at all.” I start crying again.

“Can I show you some things?” Rachel says, and I nod. I know she's going to send me some messages psychically.

I'm not prepared for this. The first is from Jamie's world, when I did, apparently, save them. Rachel had to use her Phoenix powers to drag Kurt into the train so Widget wouldn't leave him behind when they jaunted. He didn't want to leave that world without me, even though Lockheed had indicated I'd gone through the portal. Even though Rachel had scanned everything, spending hours looking.

The next was from just before they found me. Kurt diving off the balcony, ostensibly practicing his teleporting, by nearly drowning himself. I know what that is, though. I've seen him do this before. When the X-Men died. All of them.

Rachel finally talks. “Don't be too hard on him. He doesn't think we know, but...he took it really hard when you disappeared. He tries to be the strong one all the time, and he hides his worries and fears.”

I don't want to let go of my anger, but I am, in spite of myself. “I just thought he'd be happy to see me. I missed all of you guys, but Kurt...”

“I know, kiddo. You guys go back farther than the rest of us do. I get it.”

“It's more than that. It was just the two of us for _months_. I thought he might never come out of that coma, and when he did, we were the only ones left. He promised me that we'd get through it all _together_. He promised. But he's got a whole team now, and I just don't matter as much.”

“That's not true, Kitty. You and he are the foundation of this team. You need each other. He's been so lost...and there was nothing we could do about it. Give him a chance, Kitty, please?”

“So you're on his side, too?”

Rachel leans on the railing again. “Why don't you go talk to him?”

I don't want to. But I agree to do it. She's right about a few things, at least. We do go back farther than the rest of them. I'm his oldest friend on this team. And we do need each other. At least... _I_ do, anyway.

I go back inside and look for him. He's in the basement hanging from his jungle gym. He sees me, but doesn't say anything. He just drops down to the floor.

“I'm sorry,” he says. “I don't know why I thought it would be all right to wait and welcome you home privately. I should have done things differently.”

“Why'd you try to kill yourself?”

“ _Was_?”

“I mean, diving off the balcony. That's suicide, Kurt. What gives? I have to lecture you again?”

“I wasn't...I _wasnt_.” Neither of us is moving.

“You could've died.”

He nods. “Rachel told me as much.”

“It wasn't your fault.”

“It was. I let you go off on your own—”

“As you should have. I'm an X-Man, Kurt. I'm trained and I can handle myself pretty well on my own.”

His hands drop to his sides. “I know.”

“And if you had come with me, Alistaire would have been alone.”

“ _Ja_.”

“And you can't control Widget or cross-dimensional travel.”

“But I can control myself, and I did not.”

I shrug.

“I know it's not a good excuse, but...they were so excited and I didn't want to disappoint them. I thought, stupidly, I would have plenty of time now to welcome you home and tell you how much I missed you.” His voice hitches, and he scratches the back of his neck.

I hate crying, but I'm crying again. “I missed you.”

“I missed you very much,” he says. “And...I did not lie to you.”

“I know. I'm sorry I said that.”

“I thought about coming back here a few times, but every time, the thought of seeing it empty was too much. I couldn't do it. I thought you might all be dead.”

“We also thought you might be dead. That Jamie...”

“Widget made a portal. I went through it out of necessity and wound up here. When I tried to go back through, it was broken.”

“We may have damaged it with the train.”

I roll my eyes. “Of course you did.”

“I looked for you. For days.”

“Rachel said.”

“I was afraid to leave, that you'd turn up and we'd be gone and you'd be trapped there forever.”

He takes a hesitant step forward. “Please don't cry _K_ _ä_ _tzchen_.”

I wave it off, like it's no big deal. “I'm fine,” I lie, and he takes another step, and another, and soon he's right in front of me. And suddenly I need his comfort, and I've got my arms around him before I know what I'm doing, and he puts his around me and squeezes. His face is in my hair, and I'm crying into his shirt. He's wrapped around me like a cocoon, like he can protect me from this.

“Tomorrow,” he says, tilting his head so he can speak, but not lifting it from my hair, “I want to hear all about this school Courtney Ross enrolled you in.”

“It was hell.”

“I gathered from what you told the others on the train.”

“You were listening?”

“Of course. Do you think I was interested in twenty girls' assessments of my tail and fangs? I know they're fantastic, but I can only take so much.”

I giggle and sigh and I don't let go. I stand there until my feet are tired, and then we go upstairs, hand in hand.

  
  



	9. Cynical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during Excalibur's adventures in Cloud Nine, specifically the scene when they are attacked and Kurt fights the 'serpents' in a rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much conversation in this chapter. There wasn't much time for them to be alone to talk, and the story pretty much heads directly into another adventure afterwards. This is mostly just Kitty's thoughts, but there is a short conversation with Kurt. Very short.

What has happened to me? Why can't I move? I went after that awful mutant woman who bashed Cerise's face into the ground when she was already unconscious and now... I'm falling, I try to brace but I can't catch myself. I hit the ground hard—

I wake up slung over the shoulder of some huge rocky mutant as he carries me down the hall. I still can't move or speak, but I can think and hear and see and feel. It's worse than when Bodybag had me, because at least then I had no idea what was going on. Now, I know. I'm aware. I just can't do anything about it.

The guy carrying me is really uncomfortable, rough and sharp like stones. I can't really see much, either, because my face keeps bumping into his chest. My chin's going to be all scratched up. If I live. I hear him and his buddy talking, one of them going on about having super strength. He sounds like a child talking about superheroes that way. I want to call out but I can't. Where's Kurt? Where's Cerise? That woman smashed her head so hard. I hope she's all right.

Suddenly I hear Kurt, making some witty remark to the talkative guy, and I hear the distinctive sounds of a fight. Kurt's _here_ , and I feel such relief. If he's here, he'll help me, we'll find Cerise, we'll be okay. I smell the brimstone of his teleport, and suddenly I hit the floor hard as the rocky guy drops me. It hurts, but there's nothing I can do. I hear them fighting, and I'm jostled around. I can see Kurt now, and he takes out the two burly guys. The little one that looks like a peanut, starts rolling away, talking about serpents.

I look around for snakes, but I don't see any. All I see are creatures, pouring out of a doorway and into the hall. One almost eats Kurt, but he gets away. Two of them grab me and Cerise and I hate this, I'm so helpless. All I can do is hope and pray these things don't kill us all. The peanut tells Kurt to run away, but he refuses, because we're still here.

The creatures drag us further and further away from Kurt. Now I'm scared. If they get us away, how will he find us? What if they kill him? What if they kill us? In this state, paralyzed and powerless, it's easy to be scared. I have to rely on someone else to save me, because I can't. Kurt, though, he must be loving this. Rescuing two damsels? That's got to be some kind of dream come true for him.

And then I see him. He doesn't look happy at all. He's tearing through the creatures. Blood is flying and there are pieces of his uniform flying through the air too. I've never ever seen Kurt fight like this. I've never seen him so angry. The creatures start to cower. They drop me and Cerise, and Kurt crouches over us, teeth bared, fists clenched. His uniform is shredded in places and so is his skin, but he dares those creatures to fight him again.

I remember then, the way he was practicing that day Meggan and I went shopping. He was on the back patio of Braddock Manor, breaking boards. I was worried then, and he wouldn't talk to me. Was this the kind of situation he was preparing for? Some horrific scenario where he was the last man standing between us and death? God, how does he sleep?

The serpent creatures stop attacking. They back away, some of them still cowering, and Kurt is practically daring them to fight. Then someone else appears, a man in black and white, almost like a priest's garb, followed by some other mutants. He praises Kurt's abilities. What the hell is going on here? Was this some kind of sick test? The man says we're trespassing and we deserved it. That jackass. Then he says we're all illegal aliens, trespassers in his country. Who is this guy? Maybe Kurt will punch him, too.

The man says Excalibur is disbanded and we're all under arrest. Great. Perfect. And Kurt is just talking to this guy now. I have to trust him, though. I _do_ trust him. He's always taken care of me, of Excalibur. And I think about that while someone lifts me up again and we're taken somewhere I can't see.

  
  


It's an infirmary. One of the mutants touches me and suddenly I can move again. I'm stiff and achy, and I'll have bruises. A lot of them. Cerise is beside me on a metal bed being tended by some people who look like nurses. Kurt's on the other side of the room. More nurses are tending to him. He's got cuts all over and they're bandaging his chest.

“Kurt?” I rush over before the nurses can stop me. I shove the man in priest's clothing aside and Kurt holds his hand out to me.

“It's all right, Kätzchen, I'll explain.”

But I'm _mad_. “Who is this guy? Some priest? What kind of priest keeps mutants around to attack people without provocation? Cerise could've been killed, and _you_ —” I'm so angry I want to cry, but I won't. Not in front of this jerk, standing there with that smug look on his face and his hand on his belt. Who does he think he is?

Kurt puts both hands on my shoulders. He's covered in bandages, his face, his chest, his arms. I swallow the aftermath of fear. It's always the same, every time something happens. The thought of losing Kurt is worse than anyone else. I don't normally let myself think about that, but right now, in the middle of this strange, underground lab, the thought shoves itself into the front of my brain.

“Kätzchen,” he says, and his voice is even lower and calmer, and he stares into my eyes. And it works. I feel the bluster go out of me. “This man is Nigel Orpington-Smythe, but he goes by Peter here. This facility is Cloud Nine...” Kurt explains the rest of it, his hands never leaving my shoulders. When he's done, Cerise is awake and standing beside me. Her face looks remarkably good for having been smashed into the ground.

Kurt looks at her.

I don't remember this moment until much, much later, when Rachel is back and I notice the two of them, Kurt and Cerise, walking together. He picks a flower for her. Rachel teases me, tells me I'm too young to be so cynical about people falling in love so fast. In love? Kurt's in love with her? I look over again. Cerise is kind of amazing, and she's definitely beautiful. He kisses her and I look away. Rachel and I keep walking, and I wonder why this new information makes me feel like I've just teleported a few times in a row.


	10. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kurt is unable to bring Cerise back from space, he arrives home to find that Kitty hasn't done the job he left her to do, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally posted in Short Kurtty Stories. It's not written from Kitty's perspective, but I just felt like it belonged here, with these other Excalibur snippets. The chapter is still available in that other fic--I just copied it here.
> 
> Apologies for getting your hopes up if you thought it was a new chapter. I am planning to do another new one soon. Hopefully this won't be too much of a disappointment. I considered rewriting it from her point of view to match the others, but it would have lost a lot of what happens before Kurt gets to her room, so I decided to just leave it as-is, at least for now.

Kurt stormed into Braddock Manor, angry at the world. Cerise had been left behind with Lilandra, and he had returned home without her. He feared for her safety even with the Shi'Ar ruler's assurances she would not be executed or harmed. His chest ached with frustration and the pain of loss. He might never see Cerise again, and if he did, it would be years from now. He closed his hands in fists and continued through the hall and past the living room where Kitty had cut off his cast after Brian broke his leg.

Brian. Someone else he might never see again. Lost to the timestream, leaving his girlfriend Meggan in a fugue state. Kitty was supposed to have been watching her while he and his team were in space attempting to rescue Cerise, but according to the note he found in the kitchen, she hadn't bothered to stick around. She'd left Feron behind, of all people, and jetted off to New York to visit the X-Men. He'd never thought she'd be one to ignore him. He never imagined he'd have to actually give her an order, rather than a request, but now he wished he had.

He reached the steps and took them two at a time, anger fueling his need to move. At the top he turned and passed several bedrooms before reaching his own. One of the rooms was where Alysande Stuart had been brutally murdered by Jamie Braddock. The other room was Kitty's.

She was there, in her room, looking out the window. His voice sounded harsh, even to himself, when he called out to her.

“What are you doing?”

She didn't move.

Kurt strode into the room, barely noticing the suitcase half emptied on her bed. “Why didn't you stay here with Meggan like I told you to? You left Feron to take care of Meggan? Of all the people, Kitty, I thought I could count on you.”

“Shut up, Kurt.”

For a moment, he was taken aback, but something in her tone made him stop.

“Leave me alone,” she said, her back still to him as she leaned on the window.

Something was wrong. The anger went out of him in an instant, and he looked around her room for a clue as to her state. He noticed then the suitcase, and then the Bamf doll. He stared at it a long time, trying to figure out why it didn't seem to belong here.

And then he remembered.

“Kätzchen,” he said, stepping closer and picking the Bamf doll up as he passed it. “I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.” He felt like a fool, believing she'd shirk her job for no good reason, and yet that was exactly his earlier assumption. He touched her shoulder hesitantly and she lifted red-rimmed eyes to his. Dark circles underneath told him she hadn't slept enough. She was pale, except for her nose and lips, pink from crying. Above her eyes there were tiny purple dots that, upon closer inspection, must be from crying so hard. He felt like an ass.

“Don't you want to yell at me?”

“No, _schatzi_ , no, and I'm sorry for doubting you. I am a fool.”

“She's dead, Kurt.” Kitty looked into his eyes, and then crumpled against him. “She died in my arms and now she's dead.”

He remembered how she cried when the X-Men were thought slain in Dallas. Night after night, he'd hear her in her room across the hall of Moira's infirmary ward, and he did not have the strength to get up and go to her to comfort her. She would not come to him.

Now she did, wrapping trembling arms around his neck. How selfish he felt, mourning a woman who was not dead, but alive and well, when his dear friend had just lost her once-closest friend, her roommate. She didn't cry long this time, composing herself after a short outburst, but not leaving the circle of his arms.

“I tried to tell you before you left,” she said, reaching through him for a tissue.

Another oversight. Cerise had clouded his judgment, and looking back now, he could see it. He tried to think of anything to say to her that could make it right, but there was nothing. “I'm sorry.”

She put a hand on his chest suddenly and lifted her head. “Did you bring her home?”

“Alas, no.”

“Oh god, no...”

Her eyes welled up again and he quickly explained her commuted sentence as she nodded against his shoulder. It seemed now so much more important to take care of his friend than himself, and that alone lifted the weight of anger from his shoulders. “Have you eaten today?”

Another nod.

“When?”

She shrugged. “I don't remember.”

“Are you hungry?” he asked, and then suggested tea when she shrugged in response. “Come on, we'll go down together. We'll get through all of this together. Like we always do.”


	11. Electronics Will Wait (third person; original version)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Anjulie is defeated, the inhabitants of Barsoom party like it's 1999. Kitty, feeling out of place, hides in the Excalibur train to mess with Widget instead of going to the party. Kurt thinks she should have fun, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This imagines a slightly altered timeline, just enough to allow this scene to fit into the party. Most of the rest of it does happen--Kitty hides in the train, Alistaire and Kymri...hang out. The rest I made up.

“You won't come join the party?” Kurt asked from the train doorway.

Kitty glanced up from studying Widget, still tapping her chin with the pen.

“Nah. Too busy.” She indicated their little mechanical friend, the source of their jaunts through the sidereal stream and their ticket home. If she could figure out how he worked.

“Widget will wait.”

“No thanks. It's too crowded in there.” She eyed his Barsoom outfit. “And too little clothing.”

He gave her a rakish grin and posed. “You don't think I'm devilishly handsome in this?”

She wasn't paying complete attention to him as she poked around in Widget's open mouth. “You're handsome in everything, Fuzzy. I—” she closed her mouth and leaned closer to Widget. “It's just not my style.”

He had the good grace not to comment. “Danke, but it isn't the same without you. Already Rachel has gone. Meggan says she's trying to find herself.” He shook his head. “She and Brian are out by the fire, and Alistaire is—”

At that moment, Alistaire and Kymri stumbled through the train door behind Kurt, shoving him forward. He caught the back of Kitty's chair as Alistaire mumbled apologies around Kymri's mouth. The two disappeared into the back of the train.

“Well.”

“Sorry, Kurt. I'm not interested in the party.”

He pulled another chair over and sat backwards in it, folding his arms over the back of it. “All right.”

Kitty felt self-conscious with him watching her think. She shifted in her chair and leaned against the desk before giving up. She tossed the pen down and turned around. He had his chin on his arms and was giving her the biggest puppy-dog eyes she'd ever seen.

“You aren't gonna leave until I go out there with you, are you?”

He grinned as he stood, tousling her hair. “ _Nein_ , I'll leave you in peace.”

Noises from the other car interrupted him. They exchanged a knowing glance and Kitty stood up too quickly, knocking the chair against the table. Kurt caught it deftly and righted it.

“So is there food at this party?” Kitty said, moving to the door.

Outside, Kurt offered his arm and escorted her into the crowd of people. The party was still in full swing, with no signs of slowing down anytime soon. For all her complaints about the clothing, Kitty felt out of place in her uniform now, as she looked at everyone else sashaying past in flowing fabrics and glittering golden connecting pieces.

She sighed. “I can't win, can I?”

“How so? You are on the arm of the most handsome devil here, are you not?”

Kitty felt her cheeks warming, and looked away at the crowd again. She didn't answer him. He dropped his arm and took her hand, turning her to face him. “Do you want me to kick Alistaire and Kymri out for you?”

She was surprised at his offer. “No, of course not. I tried to tell you, this just isn't my kind of scene.” She folded her arms and stared at his chest while he surveyed the crowd.

Somewhere in the distance, someone was playing music. Kurt's face lit up and he hauled her along through the crowd. Kitty tripped along behind him, not even asking where they were going. As they got closer, she could hear the music, and people around them were swaying and spinning to the tune.

“Dance with me, Kätzchen.” She laid her hand in his, a little reluctantly, still not sure she wanted to be here. Widget was waiting. He was the only way they'd get home, and she wasn't done studying him.

Then Kurt spun her, and she smiled in spite of her doubts. She could spare a few minutes to dance. Minutes passed quickly, punctuated with breaks for food and water. When they were finally too tired to continue, she was sweaty and flushed, but happy.

They sat down outside the dancing space to catch their breath and watch the people with seemingly limitless energy continue dancing and celebrating. Kurt leaned on his knees, and Kitty could see the beads of sweat along his hairline, just above the collar of his outfit.

“This was fun. Thanks, Kurt.”

He patted her back affectionately. “My pleasure. Shall I escort you home?”

She accepted his proffered arm graciously. “Sure.”

Kurt pushed his way back through the crowd, his hand on Kitty's as they were jostled. She had no concept of the time, only that the sky was dark and the party was still noisy. At the train, Kurt bowed her through the door, then rapped at the back compartment. There was no answer, and no sounds. He peeked inside, and returned, satisfied that the couple was finished here.

“I think you can sleep soundly now,” he declared. “Good night, Kätzchen.” He kissed her cheek and waved as he left to rejoin the party.

Kitty watched the door shut behind him, then turned slowly to glance at Widget. He was chewing on some of the spare parts she left around for him to eat, and she pulled out the chair and patted the little round metal head. Funny that she hadn't missed her electronics at all.


End file.
